Overcoming a setback

It was such an easy thing to believe. I have sleep apnea, which could be at least partially responsible for my weight.

And I had this hopeful, irrational hope that maybe weight would just drop off almost effortlessly ... if I just stayed on Weight Watchers.

But I did stay on it and journaled and ended up gaining .4 pounds -- almost half a pound. The week before I lost 2 pounds, right after I found out and started using the CPAP machine.

I'm getting ready to help move my dad and that's a huge stress magnet. My goal is to work out as much as possible and really, really watch my eating and drinking. And journal.

One day at a time. I can do this.

Turning a sleepy corner

June 17 is a day I may celebrate in future years.

That because June 17 is the day I found out I have mild sleep apnea, courtesy of my new ear/nose/throat physician giving me the results of my sleep test. Of course, if you have mild sleep apnea, you don't think it's mild. Waking up 13 times in REM sleep ... and having your oxygen drop to 82 percent overnight doesn't sound very good to me.

And June 18 is the day I got my CPAP machine on 30 day trial -- to see if I can tolerate it. CPAP stands for continuous positive airway pressure.

The first night with the CPAP was tough. Tough to go to sleep, tough to deal with the mask on my face, tough to get over the strange feeling of the humid air that's coming at you.

But the first day after the first night was amazing. Usually, I'm very drowsy and turn off the alarm multiple times. That morning I popped out of bed clear-headed and was that way all day. In face, since this experiment started, I haven't had a microsleep and haven't gotten sleepy in the afternoon. I haven't had to take a nap since I've been using the machine. This is all incredible to me.

Probably the only problem is my husband's reaction to a photo I sent him of me in the CPAP mask. Maybe that was a mistake, but his reaction was -- am I going to have to wear it to bed when he's there (he's working overseas right now) and surely I'm not going to have to wear it forever. Hopefully, he'll be able to get over the shock of my looking like Hannibal Lecter or a small elephant, with that hose hanging from my nose.

Hopefully, he'll understand the downside of sleep apnea -- like a tendency toward high blood pressure, depression, weight gain and a higher tendency toward strokes and heart attacks. I want to be around for a long, long time.

And hopefully the CPAP will help my metabolism come back up. I had felt like I don't have any metabolism at all and was getting resolved that I was just going to have to get used to being a fat person forever. Now I'm very hopeful that's not the case and it's given my Weight Watchers efforts a big boost.

Onward!

So much for my resolutions. I stalled out and lost motivation. Hopefully, I've got it back and am restarted down the path leading to a healthy weight. I was doing better and then I visited Lagos again, where I ate and drank my way through a couple of weeks while visiting Bob. No good excuses on that, except that I always seem to eat and drink more when Bob's around.

Hormone testing yielded some interesting info ... my cortisol (stress hormone) is 20+ in the a.m. and should be 2 or 3. Probably a result of not sleeping well because of bladder issues and having trouble shutting down and sleeping. This is nothing new.

One interesting thing is that I'll be doing a sleep study Monday, April 6, and I'm eager to see if it turns up anything. Bob says I snore loudly and that's one thing to watch out for. I'm a little nervous about it, but it's probably a good idea to do it.

I'm on the way back down and working the Weight Watchers Web site message boards for more encouragement and input.

Never, never, never give up. I think that's how it goes. Thank you Winston Churchill.

More motivation

A trip to my doctor for a regular checkup yielded more high blood pressure. More high blood pressure medicine. And it turns out, after a fasting lab, I learned I had higher sugar readings. Yikes. Not scary as in Type II diabetes, but 20 percent increases are a bit scary especially when my feet hurt as much as they do.

And thinking about it, a glass or two of wine with dinner nightly wasn't getting counted -- like it was nothing. But it isn't nothing. It's probably six to eight points and metabolizes like sugar.

Blame it on a bit of a case of nerves -- with no shortage of things and people to worry about, but also to suck it up and not articulate them and be a good little trooper. And wine is a gentle way to calm nerves.

It's not an excuse, but I'm going to stop it anyway. And let's get on with getting healthy and feeling better.

I only lost .2 pounds last week, but I ate supper before I went to Weight Watchers, which I hadn't before. And I wore jeans, which are heavy. So I'm probably ahead of what I weighed. I've lost weight each week. I can do this and I can do better. Onward.

Reasons for the Season of Change

Let me count the reasons why I'm persevering with my lifestyle change to take better care of myself and "Take a Load Off."

• Top of the list is feeling better. My whole body is creaky and cranky. I'm slow to get up out of chairs, to get out of Bob's Z28, to get up off the couch, get up off the floor or when I'm gardening.

• Chronically sore feet need to feel better and I'd like to do it without cutting. I want to walk all over the world.

• Would be nice to get off blood pressure meds, anti-inflammatories, Advil.

• Clothes are feeling very uncomfortable right now. Too full doesn't feel good.

• I don't want airline seats to be tight -- or seat belts in Bob's plane stretched to the max.

• I'd like to look better in shorts, swimsuits, sleeveless tops.

• Losing weight will get my family off my back about it, especially Daddy.

• Being fit will help my professional look. Might even help Bob's professional look to have a super fit wife on his arm.

That's probably enough for now to look back and remember what it was like to be this big.

Planning to get to a Weight Watchers meeting at 6:30 p.m. tonight.

Yes, I can

So here I go. I could always wait until the new year or when Bob leaves for overseas Saturday, but I'm thinking I need to make a lifestyle change and now.

The debut of "Takin' a Load Off" is to chronicle getting healthier and happier with myself -- the whys and hows of staying on or falling off. It's being accountable and being able to better track what works and what doesn't. And hopefully, it will help me track what makes me successful.

I've been pondering what help I'm going to use. The programs I'm considering are Nutrisystem, Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig.

I've used Nutrisystem once before about 21 years ago to lose my baby fat after having my darlin' daughter. It worked and I lost the about 25 pounds I had leftover, but having to eat only their food was pretty boring and awful. And I need to lose way more than 25 pounds.

The same objection goes for Jenny Craig, which I also used successfully a long, long time ago. Their food is also boring, boring, boring. And neither Nutrisystem or Jenny Craig allow for anything off their program, which would be tough for traveling.

Weight Watchers has both good things about it and other things that probably contribute to having fallen off before. The good things are that I can cook my own food and make it taste better and be more satisfying. I can travel and make good choices about what goes into my mouth. I can control my own destiny. If I bite it, I write it, is a WW phrase that comes to mind.

The hardest part is one of the other catch phrases, "If I drink it, I ink it." Although WW allows wine or other alcoholic beverages, after one or two glasses of wine, I don't particularly care about journaling and that's one of the things that makes me successful. If Bob wants to have a martini watching the sun go down, it's going to be awfully hard to sit there not imbibing a bit too. The key is having just one, or maybe two. And no mas.

So I think WW wins. I checked and there is a 5 p.m. meeting that I think I'll attend. My favorite WW leader too. One step at a time.

Losing Jennifer Aniston

In the beginning ... Dec. 28, 2008 ... there was pain. Pain in my feet. Pain in my knees. Maybe even a pain in the *ss. I'm 55 and I feel 85. I think my 86-year-old mother-in-law is getting around better than I am some days. I just don't feel good. I suppose actually that's well, in deference to the word police.

This picture doesn't even represent my highest weight, probably about five pounds less than now, but I like that I'm walking away -- kind of symbolic for what I need to do.

I'm at an all time high weight and I'm paying for it big time. I don't even want to admit how much weight I'm talking about but it's probably the equivalent of a fourth-grader, a daunting fact. Or maybe it's as much as the too-skinny Jennifer Aniston. I need to lose Jennifer Aniston. Yikes.

I'm horrified that I'm here, starting again. And that I've regained the ground I've lost. And that I'm embarking on my zillionth diet of my lifetime.

I need to do it this time. Have to do it this time, if I want to enjoy life and be active. I have way too much living to do.

So I'm going to embark on Weight Watchers again. AGAIN. I'm a smart woman and I can do this. And I can and will make good choices. I can do this. I deserve to feel better, live better, love better and love myself better.